After a protracted hiatus, I have decided to re-enter the blogosphere and again torture the 6 or 7 of you that I have thus far successfully brow-beaten to read my blog with my non-sequiters, ramblings and general bitchiness. Why, you may ask?
Well, for starters, I am yet again embroiled in a bitter, hostile, no-good-very-bad tear-filled break up with "the law," also known as the WORST boyfriend of all time. (there will be much much much more on this in 2011, I am sure). And, I am SICK AND TIRED OF WINTER and my usual coping mechanism of watching countless hours of bad t.v. (Real Housewives of ___, Teen Mom, Jersey Shore, etc.) is no longer making me feel better about my life choices. My other coping mechanism of drinking large quantities of red wine while cooking/doing laundry/just about anything that does not involve the use of heavy machinery so long as you don't count a stove or a washing machine as heavy machinery, as well as shopping for frivolous clothing online while drinking red wine have been snatched from me as I am currently 5 monthes pregnant. That's right, I have decided to procreate and if early indications are to be believed, this baby is as spunky, opinionated and stubborn as me---so get excited!! Therefore, I need a cathartic release of all the angst, sarcasm, unsolicited advice and opinions and bitching I have accumulated over the past five months and I figured getting back to blogging would be a good start. I feel better already. . . .
Most importantly though, today is my birthday. I am now officially fully ensconced in my thirties and I think I am okay with it. (I only think I am okay with it because it seems like everyone else I know is not okay with it---maybe it makes them feel older or something, more on that another day.) Regardless, I think your own life year starts with your birthday, so this is my new year's day and my resolution is to get back to "doing me" and trying to prepare for this baby by being the best me I can be. Which of course requires me to share my random thoughts and opinions and harass all of you to read and comment on them and then tell me how witty and fabulous I am. And how cute my baby will be and is after he or she is born. And to validate my decision to break up with the law (and to not judge me too harshly if I slip up and go back to it sometime in the near future because it's definitely one of those break ups). And that you love my anecdotes and suggestions and recipes and think that Harpo SHOULD TOTALLY GIVE ME MY VERY OWN SHOW BECAUSE NOW THAT OPRAH IS RETIRING THE WORLD REALLY NEEDS ME. (The caps are for effect, plus I always imagine everything Oprah says is transcribed in all caps). Anyway, thanks in advance for all the validation---baby Shah and his mama appreciate it!!!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, November 16, 2009
More recipes!!!
Sorry for another extended hiatus, I have been busy starting my own legal consulting business. Check out www.rpslegalsolutions.com for more info on what I do during business hours. I am sure I will be blogging about the whole experience in the near future.
But, for today, it's all about recipes. My cousin Dina is getting married in January (whoo hoo) and a few of her closest friends and family hosted a shower for her this past weekend. Because I am a control freak and would like to spend all my time in the kitchen if possible, I made all the snacks. I promised to share the recipes with all the girls, and figured the other half-a-dozen people that read my blog wouldn't mind them, either ;). I would refer you to my earlier recipes for chicken meatballs, tomato sauce and chicken curry for those of you looking to make the warm dishes I served on Saturday.
Jalapeno Popper Dip (esp. for Jinal):
I got this one off of Allrecipes.com and I have to credit the original creator---this dip was a huge hit and was so easy to make. I served it with tortilla chips, but bagel chips would be even better. I also think using the spread for tea sandwiches with some cucumber and tomato would be just lovely.
Ingredients:
8 oz cream cheese (I use reduced fat)
1 cup mayo (I also used reduced fat)
4 oz. chopped chilies (Old El Paso has 4 oz cans that you can find with the other Mexican food)
6-8 pickled jalapenos
Instructions:
Blend all the ingredients until they are smooth. Spread the dip into a 9x13 pan and bake, uncovered, for 30 minutes at 375 degrees. If you want to use the mix for sandwiches or bagels, skip the baking and spread on toasted bread.
Salsa (for Jigna and Komal):
My aunt is an awesome cook and for years, her semi-homemade salsa has been a family favorite. As a housewarming present, she bought me a Cuisinart and I am now finally capable of making an almost-as-good equivalent. This keeps really well and its a tasty addition to just about any TexMex menu or party.
Ingredients:
1 can 28 oz diced tomatoes (unsalted)
2 cloves garlic
2 oz pickled jalapenos (vary depending on desired heat)
1/2 a large sweet onion or one med sweet onion
juice of one lime
cilantro (I just eyeball it, but approx 4 tbs, roughly chopped)
rough ground black pepper and sea salt for seasoning
Directions:
Place all ingredients into food processor and chop until desired consistency is reached. Season according to taste and refrigerate.
Pizza Dip:
This is also an Allrecipe gem---its so good and tastes even better the next day. I think its a great addition to a Super Bowl party or just for Sunday snacking.
Ingredients:
16 oz cream cheese, I use reduced fat
dry basil, parsley, oregano and crushed red pepper
1 to 1 1/2 cup pizza sauce (or homemade tomato sauce, see earlier recipe)
1 cup Parmesan cheese
diced red bell peppers, onions, olives, and any of your favorite pizza toppings
Directions:
Blend cream cheese and dried herbs. Place on the bottom of a oven-safe tray, then add pizza sauce and toppings. Finish off with the Parmesan cheese. Bake, uncovered, for 30 minutes at 375 degrees. Serve with pita chips, baguette or crackers.
Beer-Cheese Dip (for Komal to try, post December 30):
My cousin is 8 1/2 months pregnant and was told, under no uncertain circumstances, that she was to avoid this dip. The beer in it is negligible, but I don't ever want it to be said that I served a pregnant lady beer ;) This tastes great with steak fries, regular potato chips or served on top of potato skins.
Ingredients:
9 0z lager--the full bodied and richer, the better
14 oz sharp cheddar cheese
1 cup Parmesan cheese
salt and pepper to taste
Directions:
Blend all ingredients in a food processor until smooth. Refrigerate until its time to serve.
I hope you enjoy these quick snack suggestions. I have more recipes, anecdotes and ideas to come, until then, happy snacking!!
But, for today, it's all about recipes. My cousin Dina is getting married in January (whoo hoo) and a few of her closest friends and family hosted a shower for her this past weekend. Because I am a control freak and would like to spend all my time in the kitchen if possible, I made all the snacks. I promised to share the recipes with all the girls, and figured the other half-a-dozen people that read my blog wouldn't mind them, either ;). I would refer you to my earlier recipes for chicken meatballs, tomato sauce and chicken curry for those of you looking to make the warm dishes I served on Saturday.
Jalapeno Popper Dip (esp. for Jinal):
I got this one off of Allrecipes.com and I have to credit the original creator---this dip was a huge hit and was so easy to make. I served it with tortilla chips, but bagel chips would be even better. I also think using the spread for tea sandwiches with some cucumber and tomato would be just lovely.
Ingredients:
8 oz cream cheese (I use reduced fat)
1 cup mayo (I also used reduced fat)
4 oz. chopped chilies (Old El Paso has 4 oz cans that you can find with the other Mexican food)
6-8 pickled jalapenos
Instructions:
Blend all the ingredients until they are smooth. Spread the dip into a 9x13 pan and bake, uncovered, for 30 minutes at 375 degrees. If you want to use the mix for sandwiches or bagels, skip the baking and spread on toasted bread.
Salsa (for Jigna and Komal):
My aunt is an awesome cook and for years, her semi-homemade salsa has been a family favorite. As a housewarming present, she bought me a Cuisinart and I am now finally capable of making an almost-as-good equivalent. This keeps really well and its a tasty addition to just about any TexMex menu or party.
Ingredients:
1 can 28 oz diced tomatoes (unsalted)
2 cloves garlic
2 oz pickled jalapenos (vary depending on desired heat)
1/2 a large sweet onion or one med sweet onion
juice of one lime
cilantro (I just eyeball it, but approx 4 tbs, roughly chopped)
rough ground black pepper and sea salt for seasoning
Directions:
Place all ingredients into food processor and chop until desired consistency is reached. Season according to taste and refrigerate.
Pizza Dip:
This is also an Allrecipe gem---its so good and tastes even better the next day. I think its a great addition to a Super Bowl party or just for Sunday snacking.
Ingredients:
16 oz cream cheese, I use reduced fat
dry basil, parsley, oregano and crushed red pepper
1 to 1 1/2 cup pizza sauce (or homemade tomato sauce, see earlier recipe)
1 cup Parmesan cheese
diced red bell peppers, onions, olives, and any of your favorite pizza toppings
Directions:
Blend cream cheese and dried herbs. Place on the bottom of a oven-safe tray, then add pizza sauce and toppings. Finish off with the Parmesan cheese. Bake, uncovered, for 30 minutes at 375 degrees. Serve with pita chips, baguette or crackers.
Beer-Cheese Dip (for Komal to try, post December 30):
My cousin is 8 1/2 months pregnant and was told, under no uncertain circumstances, that she was to avoid this dip. The beer in it is negligible, but I don't ever want it to be said that I served a pregnant lady beer ;) This tastes great with steak fries, regular potato chips or served on top of potato skins.
Ingredients:
9 0z lager--the full bodied and richer, the better
14 oz sharp cheddar cheese
1 cup Parmesan cheese
salt and pepper to taste
Directions:
Blend all ingredients in a food processor until smooth. Refrigerate until its time to serve.
I hope you enjoy these quick snack suggestions. I have more recipes, anecdotes and ideas to come, until then, happy snacking!!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Happy Birthday to my husband!!!
Today is my husband's birthday. . .Happy Birthday, Chetan!
It also happens to be the anniversary of our legal/court wedding ceremony. Most Hindu priests in this area are not authorized/licensed to complete wedding certificates, so its not uncommon for Hindu couples to have a justice of the peace marry them sometime before the religious nuptials. In our case, we did at City Hall in Philadelphia on Chetan's birthday, which was also the one year anniversary of our first date!
I am putting together additional recipes and suggestions for a longer post tomorrow, so stay tuned. I couldn't let such a special day go by without sharing it and telling my husband I consider July 22nd to the be best day of the year, every year ;)
It also happens to be the anniversary of our legal/court wedding ceremony. Most Hindu priests in this area are not authorized/licensed to complete wedding certificates, so its not uncommon for Hindu couples to have a justice of the peace marry them sometime before the religious nuptials. In our case, we did at City Hall in Philadelphia on Chetan's birthday, which was also the one year anniversary of our first date!
I am putting together additional recipes and suggestions for a longer post tomorrow, so stay tuned. I couldn't let such a special day go by without sharing it and telling my husband I consider July 22nd to the be best day of the year, every year ;)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Recipe: Chili Lime Simmer Sauce for Chicken/Pork
If you have ever had spicy pulled chicken or pork tacos with onions, cilantro and a little cheese, you know just how heavenly they are. Here is a recipe I put together for simmering chicken and it should work for pork or a really hearty white fish as well. For best results, you really should make this with a cast iron pot or even a slow cooker. If you go the slow cooker route, make the sauce in a sautee pan and add with chicken, 1 cup chicken stock and let cook until the meat falls of the bone.
Ingredients:
1 tsp cumin seeds
1 med red onion, finely chopped
1 jalapeno, seeded if you want less spicy
6 cloves garlic, finely chopped or minced
1/2 cup fresh squeezed lime juice
1/4 cup fresh squeezed lemon juice
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp chili powder--i f you have a smoked chipotle chili powder, add a pinch for the smoky flavor
1 tsp oregano flakes
1 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
1 tsp cumin powder
1 tbsp black pepper
a pinch of cayenne pepper
kosher salt to taste
1 lb skinless chicken legs and thighs
Directions:
Over medium heat, coat the bottom of the pan with olive oil. Once hot, brown cumin seeds (about a 1 min) and then add garlic, onions and jalapeno. Sautee until onions are clear (3-5 mins). Add tomato paste, lime and lemon juice and the seasoning. Bring mixture to a simmer and allow it to thicken, then add chicken. Coat the chicken completely with the mixture and then cook, over low heat, for 45 minutes with the lid closed, stirring occasionally. Cook until the onion "sweat" or water rises to the top (its almost like you are making a curry from a paste) and then pull the chicken off the bone to serve.
I would serve the chicken with corn tortillas, raw onions, cilantro, fresh jalapenos, sour cream and a little cheese.
Ingredients:
1 tsp cumin seeds
1 med red onion, finely chopped
1 jalapeno, seeded if you want less spicy
6 cloves garlic, finely chopped or minced
1/2 cup fresh squeezed lime juice
1/4 cup fresh squeezed lemon juice
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp chili powder--i f you have a smoked chipotle chili powder, add a pinch for the smoky flavor
1 tsp oregano flakes
1 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
1 tsp cumin powder
1 tbsp black pepper
a pinch of cayenne pepper
kosher salt to taste
1 lb skinless chicken legs and thighs
Directions:
Over medium heat, coat the bottom of the pan with olive oil. Once hot, brown cumin seeds (about a 1 min) and then add garlic, onions and jalapeno. Sautee until onions are clear (3-5 mins). Add tomato paste, lime and lemon juice and the seasoning. Bring mixture to a simmer and allow it to thicken, then add chicken. Coat the chicken completely with the mixture and then cook, over low heat, for 45 minutes with the lid closed, stirring occasionally. Cook until the onion "sweat" or water rises to the top (its almost like you are making a curry from a paste) and then pull the chicken off the bone to serve.
I would serve the chicken with corn tortillas, raw onions, cilantro, fresh jalapenos, sour cream and a little cheese.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Product of our environments
I like a glass of wine or an ice cold beer at the end of the day. It helps me unwind and relax. But, years of binge drinking has somehow made it difficult for me to just have one when in a social environment.
This past weekend, we visited friends in DC. We had an incredible time hanging out with people we don't get to see often in order to celebrate a friend's birthday and to just enjoy summer in DC. Of course, we had a few drinks along the way. I did not actually get tipsy at on any given occasion, but I also never just had one beer. At one point on Saturday night, we were playing drinking games and I realized, during an incredibly rousing game of Taboo, that I had drank three beers and had successfully made myself dehydrated, bloated and sleepy all at the the same time. I then wished I had passed on the calories, carbonation and alcohol so as to keep my mind keener for what had turned into the most trash-talk filled board game night in recent memory.
One friend is about to wrap up his time in DC and leave for a fellowship in India. I said something about my general discomfort over seemingly drinking for no reason and asked him what he would do about drinking during his year in a dry part of the country. He responded that he will just give up drinking and probably wouldn't pick it up when he got back because "we are all just a product of our environment." I thought about that convo the whole way back to Philly, after having three Coronas at the waterfront, and realized I need to make a change in my drinking culture.
In college, we started as novice drinkers and drank for courage, to fit in, to lower our inhibitions, and probably because that's just what you do in college. My friends and I all drank, but I wouldn't say we were the biggest drinkers. Two of us shared a fake id, so we had easier access to the bars and definitely took advantage of that one or two nights a week, but I don't know if we ever really drank 5 nights a week like some of our college counterparts. But, we did definitely drink to feel it and I don't think I ever had one or two beer nights in college on purpose.
In grad school, we drank because grad school SUCKED and cut us off from the other non-grad students in our lives. I think we also drank to escape the constant stress and realization that the real world was only a few years and a couple hundred thousand dollars of debt away. Again, I don't think we ever drank more than once or a twice a week and I was certainly too poor to have a glass of wine in the evenings. I stuck to cheap draft beer on special at the various "bar reviews" set up by the law school and drank to feel it every time!
In the working world, I think a lot of my peers brought the binge-drinking-as-therapy coping mechanism to the law firms as there was certainly a great deal of binge drinking in the early years. And, like college, we were thrust into new environments, looking to make friends and meet people, so we reverted back to how we handled that the last time: the liquid courage and escape a six pack/handle/bottle of wine always seems to promise at the beginning of the night, even though it usually only delivers hangovers, embarrassment and one-time-when-I-was-drunk stories the next day.
But now, I think we drink because that's just what we know how to do. I don't think any of my friends have a substance abuse problem (though there are a few who are super bad drunks and probably should never drink again, some may include me in this group), but I do think we all have a drinking problem in that we don't know how to just have a drink and to enjoy the alcohol. And I think Robin is right, we are all just products of our environment. I never put much stock in all the talk that Americans are irresponsible drinkers because we don't learn how to drink earlier and pick up binge drinking from our culture. I spent enough time in other countries to see that binge drinking is part of youth culture throughout the Western world. But, I do think my alcohol consumption is definitely a learned habit, brought about after years of participating in a binge drinking culture. While I think I enjoyed the drinking culture immensely, I may be reaching a point in my life, especially because of my health, where I need re-evaluate intense consumption. I no longer drink liquor (oh, how I miss margaritas) and the amount of beer or wine one needs to drink after years of binge drinking to continue to reach the "perfect buzz" is often staggering in terms of calories, cost and the sheer time it takes to drink that much. I am also happier now, which may eliminate the need to drink at times---though most of my friends seem pretty happy to me and I wonder if they would still be if they didn't drink. Generally, I wonder when, if ever, we will outgrow it and just be able to a have a drink or two because we enjoy it and not because its a means to a drunken end of the night. I am going to try to cut back, as soon as Chet's birthday week and wedding season and our anniversary pass of course. . .oh, wait . . .
This past weekend, we visited friends in DC. We had an incredible time hanging out with people we don't get to see often in order to celebrate a friend's birthday and to just enjoy summer in DC. Of course, we had a few drinks along the way. I did not actually get tipsy at on any given occasion, but I also never just had one beer. At one point on Saturday night, we were playing drinking games and I realized, during an incredibly rousing game of Taboo, that I had drank three beers and had successfully made myself dehydrated, bloated and sleepy all at the the same time. I then wished I had passed on the calories, carbonation and alcohol so as to keep my mind keener for what had turned into the most trash-talk filled board game night in recent memory.
One friend is about to wrap up his time in DC and leave for a fellowship in India. I said something about my general discomfort over seemingly drinking for no reason and asked him what he would do about drinking during his year in a dry part of the country. He responded that he will just give up drinking and probably wouldn't pick it up when he got back because "we are all just a product of our environment." I thought about that convo the whole way back to Philly, after having three Coronas at the waterfront, and realized I need to make a change in my drinking culture.
In college, we started as novice drinkers and drank for courage, to fit in, to lower our inhibitions, and probably because that's just what you do in college. My friends and I all drank, but I wouldn't say we were the biggest drinkers. Two of us shared a fake id, so we had easier access to the bars and definitely took advantage of that one or two nights a week, but I don't know if we ever really drank 5 nights a week like some of our college counterparts. But, we did definitely drink to feel it and I don't think I ever had one or two beer nights in college on purpose.
In grad school, we drank because grad school SUCKED and cut us off from the other non-grad students in our lives. I think we also drank to escape the constant stress and realization that the real world was only a few years and a couple hundred thousand dollars of debt away. Again, I don't think we ever drank more than once or a twice a week and I was certainly too poor to have a glass of wine in the evenings. I stuck to cheap draft beer on special at the various "bar reviews" set up by the law school and drank to feel it every time!
In the working world, I think a lot of my peers brought the binge-drinking-as-therapy coping mechanism to the law firms as there was certainly a great deal of binge drinking in the early years. And, like college, we were thrust into new environments, looking to make friends and meet people, so we reverted back to how we handled that the last time: the liquid courage and escape a six pack/handle/bottle of wine always seems to promise at the beginning of the night, even though it usually only delivers hangovers, embarrassment and one-time-when-I-was-drunk stories the next day.
But now, I think we drink because that's just what we know how to do. I don't think any of my friends have a substance abuse problem (though there are a few who are super bad drunks and probably should never drink again, some may include me in this group), but I do think we all have a drinking problem in that we don't know how to just have a drink and to enjoy the alcohol. And I think Robin is right, we are all just products of our environment. I never put much stock in all the talk that Americans are irresponsible drinkers because we don't learn how to drink earlier and pick up binge drinking from our culture. I spent enough time in other countries to see that binge drinking is part of youth culture throughout the Western world. But, I do think my alcohol consumption is definitely a learned habit, brought about after years of participating in a binge drinking culture. While I think I enjoyed the drinking culture immensely, I may be reaching a point in my life, especially because of my health, where I need re-evaluate intense consumption. I no longer drink liquor (oh, how I miss margaritas) and the amount of beer or wine one needs to drink after years of binge drinking to continue to reach the "perfect buzz" is often staggering in terms of calories, cost and the sheer time it takes to drink that much. I am also happier now, which may eliminate the need to drink at times---though most of my friends seem pretty happy to me and I wonder if they would still be if they didn't drink. Generally, I wonder when, if ever, we will outgrow it and just be able to a have a drink or two because we enjoy it and not because its a means to a drunken end of the night. I am going to try to cut back, as soon as Chet's birthday week and wedding season and our anniversary pass of course. . .oh, wait . . .
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Back to it
Sorry for the long lapse between posts, now that things have for real settled down, I am hoping to get back to regular posts.
Since I last posted, I quit my job as a litigation associate and am officially a recovering lawyer. Email me if you are in the same position (either voluntarily or involuntarily), I would love to hear how you are spending your days!!!
So, why did I quit? I guess it was a combination of never really liking what I did, the soul sucking environment that is biglaw and my current health woes. Despite my serious discontent with the practice of law and the legal community, I didn't actually make the decision easily. It took some gut-wrenching conversations and lots of tears and assurances from my husband, family and friends that it would actually be okay if I quit and that the world would not come to a screeching halt if I ceased to be a slave to the billable hour.
Its been a little over a month since I quit. I have spent the time marveling at how quickly my professional situation snowballed such that I was left with no choice but to quit. I have also realized why actually quitting (as opposed to just whining and moaning about how I was being stifled and wanted out so badly) was so difficult for me. For 7 years, being a lawyer gave me an identity, an easy entrance into a network and community and of course, it paid well (which is certainly no longer the case thanks to the market). I decided I wanted to be a lawyer when I was just a kid and it was a fairly lofty and abstract goal to work towards for most of my childhood and adolescence. My only rational in choosing the law was that I liked to read, write and argue. I didn't know then that about 5% of a litigator's time is spent actually practicing law and the other 95% is spent on BS so that you can justify exorbitant bills to your clients.
I started law school at 22 and had no idea what life was all about. So, when I kept hearing that young associates have to "pay their dues" and work away for the first 6-8years in order to reach the golden kingdom of partnership, it all seemed manageable to me. I mean, I was used to being a poor student and feeling there were never enough hours in the day to get things done already---it couldn't be that much harder in the real world, right? Besides, the firms pay a lot of money, so they must expect you to do some real work, too. . . .Oh, how naive I was!!!
Turned out, the brass ring was totally overrated. Very few people ever make it to partner and even fewer women. Most of my counterparts were single and struggling with dating because their schedules didn't allow them to meet people and develop new relationships. Many had serious substance abuse problems and anger management issues. In short, the profession was just as screwed up as John Grisham makes it out to be. Still, it took me a while to admit it to myself, much less others---even when I realized the profession wasn't all that I hoped, I still enjoyed the feeling of status and worth that came along with having a "traditional" profession. I also didn't want to admit I had made a mistake and honestly, I didn't think I had anything to replace it with. I was single, with many friends and a great family, but everyone else in my life was doing what they needed to do and I thought practicing law was the thing I should be doing. Mentors, professors, friends had long told me I would reach a point in my life where my priorities would suddenly change and I would just walk away, but I was pretty skeptical and figured I would somehow drag myself to the partner-line.
And then, one day in July of 2007, my priorities did suddenly change. I found the love of my life and my bestest friend. Practicing law didn't seem like what I should be doing, it took a backseat to falling in love and getting married and building a home and a life with Chet. And I was really happy---so happy in fact that I actually forgot how much I hated my job and figured with everything else in life finally in place, I could definitely overlook hating my job, right?
Wrong!!! Yes, my personal life was good, but my health continued to deteriorate and despite KNOWING the stress of billing and not billing was taking away from my quality of life, I just didn't have the courage to quit. I was totally paralyzed. I forgot that I actually know how to do other things and that 99.9999% of the world's population does not in fact practice law, nor do they give a crap if I was working for a big law firm. In fact, no one besides other lawyers even understood what I did, much less care where I did it. Finally, I simply lost the physical ability to work and had no choice but to quit.
It took a few weeks after my last day for the big-so-what, my take-away or the big answer to my existential crisis to finally occur to me: I like being a lawyer, I have always liked being a lawyer and I will always be a lawyer---I just didn't like firm life and no one was keeping me there but me. So that was it. After years of agonizing over hating my job and feeling guilty for hating my job and the constant back and forth about leaving or staying, I just allowed myself to say firm life isn't for me and moved on. And now, I enjoy the law again. I follow what's going on in the courts and around the industry because I care and not because I feel like I have to. I re-discovered some of my other professional abilities and am opening my own business and am content and happy with where all the parts of my life are going. It's certainly not easy, but it's totally worth it and I am glad it took me this long to get here---I don't know if I would appreciate it otherwise.
Since I last posted, I quit my job as a litigation associate and am officially a recovering lawyer. Email me if you are in the same position (either voluntarily or involuntarily), I would love to hear how you are spending your days!!!
So, why did I quit? I guess it was a combination of never really liking what I did, the soul sucking environment that is biglaw and my current health woes. Despite my serious discontent with the practice of law and the legal community, I didn't actually make the decision easily. It took some gut-wrenching conversations and lots of tears and assurances from my husband, family and friends that it would actually be okay if I quit and that the world would not come to a screeching halt if I ceased to be a slave to the billable hour.
Its been a little over a month since I quit. I have spent the time marveling at how quickly my professional situation snowballed such that I was left with no choice but to quit. I have also realized why actually quitting (as opposed to just whining and moaning about how I was being stifled and wanted out so badly) was so difficult for me. For 7 years, being a lawyer gave me an identity, an easy entrance into a network and community and of course, it paid well (which is certainly no longer the case thanks to the market). I decided I wanted to be a lawyer when I was just a kid and it was a fairly lofty and abstract goal to work towards for most of my childhood and adolescence. My only rational in choosing the law was that I liked to read, write and argue. I didn't know then that about 5% of a litigator's time is spent actually practicing law and the other 95% is spent on BS so that you can justify exorbitant bills to your clients.
I started law school at 22 and had no idea what life was all about. So, when I kept hearing that young associates have to "pay their dues" and work away for the first 6-8years in order to reach the golden kingdom of partnership, it all seemed manageable to me. I mean, I was used to being a poor student and feeling there were never enough hours in the day to get things done already---it couldn't be that much harder in the real world, right? Besides, the firms pay a lot of money, so they must expect you to do some real work, too. . . .Oh, how naive I was!!!
Turned out, the brass ring was totally overrated. Very few people ever make it to partner and even fewer women. Most of my counterparts were single and struggling with dating because their schedules didn't allow them to meet people and develop new relationships. Many had serious substance abuse problems and anger management issues. In short, the profession was just as screwed up as John Grisham makes it out to be. Still, it took me a while to admit it to myself, much less others---even when I realized the profession wasn't all that I hoped, I still enjoyed the feeling of status and worth that came along with having a "traditional" profession. I also didn't want to admit I had made a mistake and honestly, I didn't think I had anything to replace it with. I was single, with many friends and a great family, but everyone else in my life was doing what they needed to do and I thought practicing law was the thing I should be doing. Mentors, professors, friends had long told me I would reach a point in my life where my priorities would suddenly change and I would just walk away, but I was pretty skeptical and figured I would somehow drag myself to the partner-line.
And then, one day in July of 2007, my priorities did suddenly change. I found the love of my life and my bestest friend. Practicing law didn't seem like what I should be doing, it took a backseat to falling in love and getting married and building a home and a life with Chet. And I was really happy---so happy in fact that I actually forgot how much I hated my job and figured with everything else in life finally in place, I could definitely overlook hating my job, right?
Wrong!!! Yes, my personal life was good, but my health continued to deteriorate and despite KNOWING the stress of billing and not billing was taking away from my quality of life, I just didn't have the courage to quit. I was totally paralyzed. I forgot that I actually know how to do other things and that 99.9999% of the world's population does not in fact practice law, nor do they give a crap if I was working for a big law firm. In fact, no one besides other lawyers even understood what I did, much less care where I did it. Finally, I simply lost the physical ability to work and had no choice but to quit.
It took a few weeks after my last day for the big-so-what, my take-away or the big answer to my existential crisis to finally occur to me: I like being a lawyer, I have always liked being a lawyer and I will always be a lawyer---I just didn't like firm life and no one was keeping me there but me. So that was it. After years of agonizing over hating my job and feeling guilty for hating my job and the constant back and forth about leaving or staying, I just allowed myself to say firm life isn't for me and moved on. And now, I enjoy the law again. I follow what's going on in the courts and around the industry because I care and not because I feel like I have to. I re-discovered some of my other professional abilities and am opening my own business and am content and happy with where all the parts of my life are going. It's certainly not easy, but it's totally worth it and I am glad it took me this long to get here---I don't know if I would appreciate it otherwise.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Seriously Ryan O'Neal?
Talk about a major a-hole, Ryan O'Neal REALLY takes the cake. For days now, both he and his meth-head son have been going on and on about Farah Fawcett's illness and the effects its having on them. If I have to see one more interview like this or read about how hard it is for O'Neal to "lost the love of his life," I may scream. Who cares how you feel about it? She is the one with cancer, not you. And her cancer doesn't exonerate either of you for your egregious behavior.
Let's not forget that O'Neal is the same dad-of-the-year who took his then 10 year old daughter, Tatum, to Studio 54 and gave her alcohol and drugs because he thought it was cute. He also allegedly had sex with the then underage Melanie Griffith, Tatum's best friend, when he was supposed to be chaperoning their summer trip in Europe. The police have been to his home on several occasions due to claims of drug-fueled violence between him and his grown son and his son's girfriend. He was also recently arrested, at 68!, for possession of chrystal meth, a drug his 18 year old son with Fawcett is also alleged to have in his possession. Ryan O'Neal is clearly a troubled individual with zero parenting skills and has been known more for his antics in the past 30 years than his acting. The fact that he is now using his former lover's illness to get back in the spotlight and to try to gain public sympathy is just wrong.
I recognize that Ryan O'Neal and Farah Fawcett had a long and complicated relationship and I for one am in no position to judge why or how she could ever have possibly loved him. But, the merits of their relationship aside, the way he has been carrying on since news first broke of the escalation of her cancer (which oh-so-conveniently coincided with his latest brush with the law) is just appalling! Their son Redmond apparently lied to a judge about her condition to receive a special release from jail--really people? Do you really have no scruples, at all??? How can you say you love a person and then use them for your own personal gain? While Ryan has been giving interviews to anyone who will listen, Farah has asked the media to respect her dignity and right to privacy as she goes through these difficult times. How can O'Neal fail to respect her wishes, which according to his own interviews may very well be her last requests?
I wish Farah Fawcett comfort and peace as she faces her battle with cancer and respect her immensely for speaking out about a rarely discussed illness in hopes to prevent others from facing the same battle. I am sure many more men and women will be more proactive about testing for anal cancer thanks to her courage and honesty. I wish the media would ignore Ryan O'Neal's constant sound bites and obvious efforts to milk this situation for press and respect Ms. Fawcett's request for privacy during this time. And, I hope both Ryan and his son Redmond seek professional help for their addictions and redeem themselves before she passes away---it would be a shame if they couldn't at least do that for her.
Let's not forget that O'Neal is the same dad-of-the-year who took his then 10 year old daughter, Tatum, to Studio 54 and gave her alcohol and drugs because he thought it was cute. He also allegedly had sex with the then underage Melanie Griffith, Tatum's best friend, when he was supposed to be chaperoning their summer trip in Europe. The police have been to his home on several occasions due to claims of drug-fueled violence between him and his grown son and his son's girfriend. He was also recently arrested, at 68!, for possession of chrystal meth, a drug his 18 year old son with Fawcett is also alleged to have in his possession. Ryan O'Neal is clearly a troubled individual with zero parenting skills and has been known more for his antics in the past 30 years than his acting. The fact that he is now using his former lover's illness to get back in the spotlight and to try to gain public sympathy is just wrong.
I recognize that Ryan O'Neal and Farah Fawcett had a long and complicated relationship and I for one am in no position to judge why or how she could ever have possibly loved him. But, the merits of their relationship aside, the way he has been carrying on since news first broke of the escalation of her cancer (which oh-so-conveniently coincided with his latest brush with the law) is just appalling! Their son Redmond apparently lied to a judge about her condition to receive a special release from jail--really people? Do you really have no scruples, at all??? How can you say you love a person and then use them for your own personal gain? While Ryan has been giving interviews to anyone who will listen, Farah has asked the media to respect her dignity and right to privacy as she goes through these difficult times. How can O'Neal fail to respect her wishes, which according to his own interviews may very well be her last requests?
I wish Farah Fawcett comfort and peace as she faces her battle with cancer and respect her immensely for speaking out about a rarely discussed illness in hopes to prevent others from facing the same battle. I am sure many more men and women will be more proactive about testing for anal cancer thanks to her courage and honesty. I wish the media would ignore Ryan O'Neal's constant sound bites and obvious efforts to milk this situation for press and respect Ms. Fawcett's request for privacy during this time. And, I hope both Ryan and his son Redmond seek professional help for their addictions and redeem themselves before she passes away---it would be a shame if they couldn't at least do that for her.
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